SEDIH MAKSIMAL

Hai hai haiiii,
Aku balik lagi karena kayaknya gabakal sanggup mendem semua ini sendirian. I need someone to talk to and the result is ................. no one. No one could understand this better than me.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah, desperate banget nih!!! Rasanya tuh kayak pengen lompat ke jurang. Teriak sampe tenggorokan putus. Pengen mati aja deh hhhhhhhhhhhh!

Gimana sih cara buat sabar?
Menghadapi orang-orang yang kau anggap tidak pantas mendapatkan sesuatu yang kamu inginkan, yang jelas-jelas kau perjuangkan setengah mati.
Picik ya? Yes, I'm. I feel like a loser who try to deny the reality that comes to me. I know, I just not that lucky enough too get those opportunity.
Dan haruskah aku berbesar hati menerimanya?
Tidak bolehkah aku merasa ini semua tidak adil? God, forgive me.
Mungkin aku terlalu picik melihat diriku lebih bersinar dibandingkan kalian, mungkin juga ini salahku yang sebenarnya tak mampu namun terus merasa mampu.
But, I just know the one thing that's true. I try, I try very hard. I pray. I cry. I sacrifice much things for this. And I know you didn't. You all didn't and never. You just lucky. Extremely lucky.

And, what to do now? Pretend that I'm okay just to make you happy instead of show that I'm extremely sad? World seems sooooo not fair to me. What to do? What will happen next day? How about my dream, my heart?
I don't want to believe in fate. But how hard I tried, fate always bring their answers.
It's my first big rejections. And I extremely sad.